Compromising Relationships for Success

I am fascinated, obsessed even with the demise of Al and Tipper Gore’s marriage. Any marriage that can last for 40 years must have a sufficient foundation and it would seem to me that it would be with a very heavy heart that these two would call it quits.

What fascinates me is…did they let their sex life just stop? Did they stop holding hands? When exactly did they let it unravel?

With more than 20 years experience working ‑ and living ‑ in the science of work/life balance, I am betting that over the last 40 years, the Gore’s prioritized their work, philanthropy, and finances, while neglecting their marriage.

One effective way to look at balance is to start with the “five buckets of life system.” The buckets are:

1. Work
2. Spouse/family & friends
3. Health
4. Finances
5. Giving back

Applying the bucket system to Al and Tipper’s situation, I think they prioritized and added to their work, giving back, and finances bucket, while their spouse bucket was running on empty. Full disclosure - I was married for 10 years, separated or divorced for nine years, and have been remarried for 4 years. Relationships and marriage take commitment. It takes hard work by adding to that bucket on a daily basis to make sure it is at least 80 percent full.

It infuriates me when I read letters to the editor, and hear my clients comment that divorce is a “happy solution” – when in reality they have neglected or get tired of adding to the spouse bucket! Didn’t they get the email that marriage is hard work? Why doesn’t the media and all of us acknowledge the everyday trials of making a relationship work? Marriage is like parenting, you don’t wake up one morning and say – “Hey, I have this parent thing all figured out, piece of cake!” You have to learn it like any other skill.

Take for example a client “Chris” who recently came to one of our seminars and said, “I built a successful business, but I am miserable.” After looking at Chris’ situation I realized his work and finances buckets were overflowing, but he was not adding regularly to the others. He asks, “What business book can I read to get my life back?” This is a prime example of how important it is to prioritize the five buckets of your life every day.

I am thrilled and excited to introduce this work/life balance blog. Every month I will be asking and urging you to ponder how balanced your life is. I will be using real life examples, asking real life questions, and looking at real life dilemmas to help people live a more full complete life. The point of this first blog is to beat home the idea that these five buckets are equally important every day of our lives. I’d love to hear from you which of your buckets has gone dry, how did it happen, and we can discuss how can you fix it here.